My Final "Decision"

Tonight might be the last night I will be hanging around with those friends.
Tonight after the incident, i told them they are still my friends. But tommorrow onwards, i not sure whether they still deserves to be my friends.

I already make myself clear to them that I do not wan to talk about this incident anymore.

After this incident, I had learnt that:

There is already no issue about right or wrong anymore. Everyone has its own thought and opinions. They could choose to follow those beliefs and I could not stop them. I might be one right and as well the one in the wrong.
You can say me childish or what. But at this period of time, I will not care about this anymore.
Because it actually happened in few years back, when they abandoned me and side with their closer friends. I actually wanted to give up those friendships at that period, but I held on till tonight. And I finally give it up now.

I actually cried for quite a long time just now, actually I am not in pain, just because I had to give up those friendship I been held on for years.
Why should I still hold on tight to these friendships whereby they did not respect me at all. For these past few years, I let them make fun of me, I let them do or say anything about me if it makes them happy.

They were the one who always choose to side with their closer friends in fact they forget the right way of handle the problems itself. They did not stop the ones who are performing the wrong procedure but in fact, they actually asked the one who was standing there to obey that stupid procedure and shut up.

Then why should I choose to go back to them whom they don’t even deserve me to call them friends anymore.

My last piece of words, there are still a few friends who are still deserved to be called "friend".

"Mahjong"! Here i come.

The second night which is also my last night there, we went to a famous prata shop, “Mr Prata” recommended by Fairuz to have our dinner and supper together there. When we have our stomach full, we went back to Changi Village and disturbed the trans. If the Trans did not open their mouth and starting talking, they were a lot sexier and prettier than the normal girls. Their real identify will be figured out by their deep and low voice, which would really disgusted me off. Their height, strong build and big bones with artificial breasts was also the key figures for the fake identify.
Eish and I together had also learnt to play mahjong in just a few hours. In the past, I had tried a few attempts playing mahjong, but never bothered to remember the rules and regulations of the game. But this time, I really make a effort to master this game. At first, we were playing it without any money. But later on, when we were familiar and get the hang of it. The guys suggested playing a small amount of stake. I was really worried about losing every game as I was not really good in it. But under the supervisor of Alvin, together we won the first straight few games and following parts in the game. I must really owe my winnings to that girl and Wei Xiong as they were the one always contributing the winning tiles to me. The girl went home early as her parents come to fetch her home. Meanwhile, her parents suddenly come to our chalet like having a spot check on us. Their looks on the face seemed to condemn us to be a bunch of hooligans misleading her daughter. Alvin took over the girl’s seat and we continued our game till we went home earlier than the rest by Wei Xiong’s car.
I find the mahjong quite fun and addicted. The reason could be because I was like winning in some of the games. If I was losing in all the games, I might get frustrated and starting cursing the game. But luckily, lady luck was with me and having Alvin as my tutor.

"First" time to Old Changi Hospital

Just finish designing the poster to be used for the project show, racking my brain thinking of the design and contents for the poster. Why must my project be selected for the project show? Next week, had to go back to school for that stupid events. I guess it must be a punishment for being too slacking at home.
It had been ages since I had went to a chalet being organized by my previous secondary school mates though I always see them during the soccer game on Friday night.
The first night there, together with the guys, we were watching dvd and listening to the loud music. We even went to the Old Changi Hospital and it was my first time visiting there. At first, I was quite a bit scared and worried because of the past rumors heard from my friends who been there before. But meanwhile, I was also excited and curious about it. Stepping into the hospital gave me quite a chilling and eerie experience as I did not know what lies inside. But later on, I felt quite comfortable and hoping to see something interesting and unusual. Sometimes at those old building or late at night, I would felt something chill and weird which made my hairs stand. But inside OCH, I did not have much of those feelings. The reason could be because we had a total of 10 persons, 9 boys and 1 girl stick together and walk as a team. But that one girl was also the one who always give us a scare, screaming once a while and freaking behind us. Sometimes, she would also suddenly grab one of us or accidentally stepped on our feet.
What really amaze me are the architectures of the hospital, it is big, well facilitates, but also complicated like a big maze. Many buildings either on downhill or uphill are being linked up together like a long passage way. If I was there alone, guess I would be freaking scared and lost my way in the big maze, crying for help. The scariest place nominated by many of us would be the guard’s room. It was dark inside and the old wooden door was being locked up by the rusty metal chains. It was also the last place we had visited.
When we are back to our chalet, the guys were drinking to their heart’s contents. Most of them were already drunk and restless. But upon hearing the RNB music, they were alive again and started dancing among themselves. The funniest part is that we started to play the “Musical Chair”. They started dancing when the music is played, started banging each other to find a way back to the chair when the music is stopped. The whole scene is being recorded in the video. When I looked back on the video, those guys will like having ghost’s obsession, moving in a circle under the dim light.

The "First"

It is Year 2006 and it shall be the first time I update my blog in this New Year. Last year, I had painful and unhappy experiences. I shall hope this New Year will clean away all my bad experiences and vanished together with Last Year..
This semester will also mark my last year in my poly life. What I had been doing this year was doing project and doing project again. Finally as I thought my entire projects had vanished together with the time. A one and only ENMM exam on next week and I will be going to be a free man soon. E.N.M.M. What a jerk! What must I learn programming at this period of time? If I was asked to design some stuffs, it will be just fine for me. Another big issue pop out, I just prayed that my project won’t be selected for the project show or you can see me rushing project in my school lab everyday again even though on holiday.
I wondered should I be excited as I am going to enjoy my holiday and slack for a long time or worried about my future ahead. Soon, I will be facing a tough life of a true man, where every man has to go through it called “National Service”. Am I going to suffer or enjoy my life inside the camp, will it be like a “Prison” or a “Chalet”? So many questions are floating right across my mind. I think I will just put it aside first and continue being a carefree person for the moment. I will just wait for that fucking boat to reach the shore, and then decided of what to do later.
I had been taught a lot by my past experiences. Thought it may seem painful and unbearable, I will try to reflect back and learnt from my mistake. I going to control my life from now onwards.
"Don't waste your time loving someone who isn't willing to love you."
"If your love does not work with that person, it just means that someone else loves you more."
"Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength. However, there are times in life in which it takes much more strength to just let go."
I think I will just let go of something that I had been hold on tightly for many years.
I believed I will live more happily from now on.

3 X Convicts

What is Alan Doing?

I Am So Short

What is Jomel Doing?

Let ^5

Edmund, Cai Wen, ShOkO

What Are We Looking At

Let's Dance

We Are So Boring

Supper Break at Mac

Tonite is the "Nite"

It had been a couple of months since I had updated my blog. I reach home in the early morning and woke up in the noon. Yawnz, guess I had not enough sleep. I guess it had been more than 5 months I had gone clubbing ever since I quit clubbing. Alan ask me one week whether wanted to go China Black one week beforehand. After considered for quite many days, decided to enjoy for that night after the term test. I met up with Alan and his friends. Before entering the black, I saw a few familiar faces walked past us, they are Ann, Cai Wen, etc as others I don’t know their names, who are my juniors from secondary school. Such a coincidence as well as a surprise to witness them here, they should be at home studying as they belong to the group of mummy girls.
We entered the black in an early time where the place was empty. I was watching the NBA game while my friends were talking among themselves. When the dance floor is consider crowded, I had one jug and another glass of alcohol before getting into the dance floor. But the alcohol seemed not to be working. I feel weird, embarrassed and insecure while dancing, just like the feeling it get in the first time I danced. After a while, I started to get use, and started playing punk with my friends. I know a lot of people were looking at us. Ye Wen and Alan are just some great and fun dude, Ye Wen’s girlfriend is interesting and friendly too. We were busily taking pictures while dancing, really having fun. Meanwhile, we saw some babes dancing beside us we met earlier in Hans. But the boring music spoil our mood. We decided to go Mac to have some drinks to ease our thrist. Sitting in the Mac, our attention was caught by a super babe sitting and facing us. On the way to Black, bad luck fall on us, we had to queue up for half an hour before we could get in again. Finally, we get into Black, started dancing immediately as the music get us in the right mood again. Alan saw the babe whom we saw in Mac earlier, I guess he must be having some ass rub with her, but a couple spoiled his mood when they tried squeezing in between them. All the while, we were dancing on the stage. I was dancing crazy like no one business. The most fun part is before we leave the Black where the dance floor was quite empty, we were like dancing like mad and playing a fool. Edmund who was shy and don’t dare to dance in the beginning started dancing as well.
I think clubbing can be fun, but despo = girls and guys spoil my mood. Stopped standing into my way just to rub some ass. Especially a crazy Indian with his friends, rubbing Alan while we stared at him back, nearly getting into a fight and he was trying to rub Ye Wen’s girlfriend too. We just felt like punching him right on the face.
We took the first train on the way home.

A Day for "Shopping"

I slept for more than 12 hours before I woke up for my school. It was so boring and stupid that I had to go for my one hour lesson, traveled for a long hour and distance to reach my school. To make it worse, Farhan told me that today lesson was cancelled. Since I was already reaching school, I would rather played game there since As I could not play the game at home, no choice but to play in school. I was playing Rakion that I just picked up yesterday. I was like addicted to the game that I almost late for the meeting with Nini. But she ended up coming late than me. She was my one of my best friend that I had not met her for ages. We catches up for our main mission, to shop for her white t-shirt as well as my jacket and bag. We seemed to be shopping for a whole day before we stopped to rest at one of the seat in Paragon. To the coincidence, I saw Fairuz and the others walking pass us, I waved my hand to catch attention from them. Actually I would like to join them, but we already bought the tickets at 9.40pm. Tom Yum Goong was the movie we watched, it was really a nice movie. After the movie, we both went home separately upon reaching back Yishun.

I wonder "Why" ? I wonder How?

I had a soccer game this morning. I and Chong Yee managed to reach on time but ended up the earliest there. We had to waited for more than an hour before most the players are there. During the first half, we had 2 goals in hand. The opponent insisted the ball had being crossing past the post and managed to grab one goal to save some of their faces.
4-3 marked the end of the match, we were the winning who ended the opponent 40 winning streaks.

At the second half, I had a dilemma of my correct mentality. My mentality is to try my best to get the balls back for the team so I can deliver to the players in front for counter attack. So the option is to either hold the player or to tackle the player, get the ball and delivered. But the second option had caused discontent from my teammate. I now was getting sick of being a defender. A striker or midfield who would lose the ball easily or never grab the opportunity of getting the ball into the net. They always thought they could had lots of opportunity to accomplish their task by adding their goals into the score line. Even they failed to hold the tasks, the teammate would just make some bad comment initially and encouraged them. As long as there is a goal from them, their teammates would forget about their previous errors and praised him.

But if for a defender who was always staying down and sticking to their own boring tasks, stopping and clearing the balls. Even they once make some good saves and clearances, but as long as one of their commit errors had caused a goal. The other teammates would always remember the mistake they made and brought the comments back into future games. Maybe it would depend on who the player, some of the players would always losing the opportunity, commit lots of errors, playing around with the ball and giving balls to the opponent. They might not be the one who get complained but in fact some of the other players who was trying their best in the pitch but just because they were the weakest links in the squad so they received more complaints from the better ones. In fact, the better players maybe could escape from the blame as no one affords to make the comment. But while some of the better players were also the hardworking ones in the pitch. The race or brotherhood in the team may be one of the problems as the players backing each player up when the blame was raised up.

If a player can choose either a attacking or defending players, I sure everyone would choose the first option as they were the one providing goals and receiving better compliments compared to the second option.

Anyway, Fairuz, I never blamed you for today comments. I knew you were the hardworking players who wanted to be the best. I knew what I was doing today but maybe u did not know my real intention. And is my fault to commit errors.
But these comments was also made to other players I been observation in the team for these past few years. Different players being treated differently and playing different position. Some of the players who never possesses the abilities, roles and given tasks for a defender, midfield, and striker was always given that position because of race or brotherhood. It was difficult to go far.


After the game, Chong Yee and I decided to insert coins of $1.30 into the vending machine and made our way into swimming complex. We saw a familiar face there but just a glimpse of eyesight. We were not really swimming but playing with water and gossiping about girls.

"SunBurn" in Sentosa

Ring! Ring! My cellphone ringing and vibrating loud. It was Yue Chun who called me to wake me up to remind me of our outing at Sentosa later. I reached Harbour Front Station at 10 am sharp. Yue Chun was sitting alone by himself looking bored. He was the earliest as well the only one there waiting too. We both had to wait for the others to meet us. Before taking the bus straight into Sentosa, I have two egg pratas. The bus stopped, and the sign on the board written, “Siloso Beach”. We walked quite a distance before settling on a spot just near the soccer goal pole so we can play some beach soccer for the whole day, put our stuffs and ready for our activities. Yue Chun and I needed to travel quite a distance before we could reach the changing room, but we seemed to have a rotten luck and it was in the progress of cleaning. We waited for a long time before we got frustrated and find any deserted spot and get myself changed. Returning back to our place, we could see the rest were already playing soccer. We joined the rest and got ready for some actions and kicks. Beach Soccer was tougher and life-draining than playing on the normal flatform as the sand was unstable and rougher. The Sun was scorching hot on our skin surface, we had to keep running into the seawater to cool ourselves down. Teams formed by outsiders to challenge us as to kick us out but we still stand mighty and strong on the sand taking any of their challenges.
After being sick of soccer, a group of 5 of us went to have kaya on the sea-water. We were rowing our boat as well as lying restlessly on the boats.
After a long day, our bodies were red and swollen. It had been a long time I was really enjoying myself under the sun.

I Love "Korea"

It is now 5:30 am, I am still awake.
I had been working with my job. It was quite tough, working in the night and by the time I reached home was already at around 4am. I had the habit of sleeping when they sky was dawn.

It had been a long time since I had watched a movie. I went to Causeway Point to watch two movies together with my friend. The first movie is “Into the Blue”, quite a nice movie. The second movie is “April Snow”, quite a disappointed one. It was like totally no story line, boring with a stupid and lame ending. I did not really understand the whole movie.

The audio being playing in my blog had been changed to a Korean song by the name, “Miss You”. It was the theme song for the drama show, “Stairway to Heaven”.
Although the show was being broadcasted in SCV quite long ago and now being shown in Channel U again. The story in the show was a sad and romantic show, where two couples suffered many setbacks and faced all of them together, the main actor willing to give all his fortunes just to be together with the main actress. In the show, there were two wicked women who were always trying to act like a poor thing in front of people and finally get their punishment in the end as one get jailed while another become insane. But I really was touched by one man who would sacrifice his life for the main actress just for her to be happy and stay healthy. He committed suicide so he could give his eyes balls to the girl who had a tumor in her eyes. As we thought the couple could be finally together, the girl died of a spreading tumor which was developed lately again. The man was alone by himself in the end losing his love one.

Most of the famous Korean dramas were always those sad stories. What attracted people were their scenery and the storylines, while the background music also played a big role in making the scene more touching and realistic.

Watching that show made me think of my vacation in Korea last year as the amusement park i visited during that time was the main place for filming. It was an indoor and outdoor amusement park with nice decor and fun games. It was just like a fairy tales. I really hope to go back there again once more. But my number one country is still Japan.

two "Stitches" on my face

I had to get up early in the morning to report to work. But misfortune fell on me. After my break, I continued with my job in fourth floor. I had to push the Queen Mary which is a big trolley that used to contain those junks of food. I was pushing fast speed towards my destination without noticing my direction. Suddenly, the trolley stopped and charge towards me. I fall onto the floor by the great force. I was feeling giddy and unconscious in the beginning. I could felt something wet and dripping on my face. There was blood dripping down on the floor. Although my face was covered with strains of blood, I managed to hold myself, walked down to the basement where my office located to inform my boss about the accident. By I was the attraction of the passersby and my boss was stunned when he saw my half of the face covered fresh blood. They wanted to send me to the company clinic. I had to wait for 2 hours before the clinic opened at 3pm. I was brought to the security office to report about the accident and to stop my bleeding. I was sitting on the sofa gazing into the ceilings and remained very quiet.
I went to the canteen lounge, watched a repeat EPL match on Everton against Wigan which coincidentally ended at 3pm.
I walked to the clinic myself, registered to the counter. I was feeling anxious and nervous as the wound was too deep that we could see the bone. I waited for quite sometimes before doctor could observe my wound. He told me that it was better to go for stitches. It was the first time I had stitches. He was holding the needles and threads, trying to sew back my wounds. Pain could be seen on my face when the doctor was putting the needle into my skin and pull the thread tight. The doctor and the nurse was joking and laughing with me. They were feeling weird as I was taking picture of the whole procedures. I was just bearing with it till the whole operation ended.
If I was able to work without the accident, I may have $90 in my pocket right now, but it was at about $15 now.

Doctor sewing stitches on my wound.

Deep Cut Wound. Inner Bone can be seen.

not "Banquet" but "Steward"

On my birthday 17/09, start my first day of work with Chong Yee in our new stewarding job. A sudden call before the night of my birthday from my supervisor marked the first day of our new work. Thanks for my friend who still remembered my birthday who sms me at or in the net.
I was excited as being a steward though I had been working in the same hotel for around 3 years. Chong and I walked into an unfamiliar office, it was not a banquet office this time. We taken our voucher and made a move to the new fashion and locker room. We changed into our new brown uniform, have our dinner in the new canteen. The troublesome thing to have our dinner was that we only could pick few dishes and had to scan our meal card. The food was still about the same awful taste.
Taking the cargo lift to the 4th floor saw the banquet people having their briefing. We were assigned to one station, started our hard day of work. But we seemed to be chatting with the banquet manager, team-leaders, friends that walked past us. We were always explaining the same reason again and again, “We never work in banquet anymore because we want a change of environment”. Being a steward was actually fun and free as we did not need to be restricted by the rules like the banquet. We could keep long hair, wearing earrings and casual shoes.
We were slogging quite hard due to the inefficient of banquet people. Most of them were new to the job and from China. They were very noisy and lazy, every clearing of a dish, they would gathered there, eating the left-over food and drinking soft drinks or wine. While me and Chong were having our fun scolding them and instructing them.

Second day of work, saw a few familiar banquet faces in the canteen. News on us changing from banquet to steward spread fast as all our friends knew about it. During the work, we were busy chatting with banquets friend and housemen as usual. We were busy eating foods provided by our friends. HaHa, I got a chance to eat a whole abalone and some of expensive foods. Yummy.
Though being a steward may be tough and handled a lot of dirty stuffs. But after all, it was quite fun and experiencing.
There are few pictures below taken during work.

Dreams to be a fireman.

Gazing on the wall.

Jing *Chong* Bao Guo.

What did i saw?.

Me in Stewarding Uniform.

TeTsuO & ShOkO

TeTsuO & ShOkO

I just want to be "happy" everyday

Now sitting in the desktop, listening to the song, “Hen Xiang Ni” by Z Chen. It was a very meaningful song. It also explain how my mood now. My boss asked me to go back work for both Thursday and Friday. I was trying so hard to forget her because I did not want both of us to get hurt in the end. I wanted to be the one who take the initiative to end these sufferings soon. I was always the one who failed in everything. I really miss her but I did not wan to contact with her anymore. I did want both of us to feel that sad anymore.

"Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you."

Now I was trying hard to get on with my life. Holiday had started, the time where I would be free and missing her. I was trying to do things that I could forget her.
Though it was difficult, I believe I could forget her.
She did not know what I was thinking, I was always trying to tolerate her stubbornness and temper. I was really tired, I was always trying to make her happy. But all she did was to complain whatever things I done to her just to make her happy.
I think it was time for me to let her go now.
I did not want to let that drag on anymore.
I wanted to find a caring and considerate girl.
And.
I hope she can be happy everyday doing the thing she likes. Having her every freedom she wanted.

I hope this would be a last time I mentioned about her.
I know guys out there who did not regard me as friends would laugh at me and making fun of me. You all guys just did things that u like to do.
I was really tired, I did want to care about anything anymore.
I just want to be happy everyday, I did not want to be moody and sad anymore.
Can u all please give me a break.

Now I wanted to do things I happy, I did not want to be considerate for anyone anymore.

Am I really happy?
Can I really find a better girl than her?
Can I really be happy with my next girl?
The moment I had with a girl was always short and sad.
Is it, I can’t have a happy ending with a girl?

你 在那里 这些年来如意不如意
还快乐 还单纯 还美丽 时光如何对你

我 在这里 人海中一座岛屿
很平静 风平浪静
只除了深夜里 回忆会疯狂来袭

我很想你 你知道吗
如果可以 就让我再见你
美好微笑 清澈眼睛
好确定那场分离只毀了我一个而已

我很想你 听见了吗 woo...
这是唯一 我无解的困境
那些过去 不肯过去
不管我后来遇见多少人
只能叹息 都不是你

我 在那里 你会不会偶尔好奇
有没有 曾经怀疑
我说我会忘记 只是种好意 都不是你 我只想爱你

Not a day for a game of "Soccer"

Now sorting out my files in my portable hard disk. So I decided to update my blog. I had a soccer game yesterday, a poor performance by me that drag the whole team down. Before the end of first half, I had a miscommunication with my teammate that led to a first goal by the opponent. Just a short while after the second half proceed, a sudden pain on my leg, damn… I was having a bad leg cramp that stopped me from playing the rest of the game. It must be a long time since I had exercised, my stamina and performance went down, so had a leg cramp that easily.

I went to have a breakfast with Chong Yee after the game. After that, went into a pet shop, bought a small fish tank with 15 fishes. It was raining heavily at that time, had a hard time going home early to fix my tank. I spend quite a long time putting sandy, fixing filter, grass and some other ornaments. I was like gazing on the fishes in the tank, admiring my own art piece.

I went to Ochard with Alan and Wilson to shop around. Nothing caught my eyes except a cap and a t-shirt after a long day there. I had a lot of caps at home now, guessed that mum must be nagging upon reaching home.

After I reached home, finally had a chat with Jassie in both phone and online. I was relieved and happy that both of us could resolve our misunderstanding. As during this week, I had been moody because of the stress in work and at home. I had spoiled her mood as I was controlling her too much and did not trust her. I felt guilty and sorry, I believed I would give her more freedom and trust her more now. One more week, I could meet her and saying her le.

In the morning, I checked the scores of the teams I bet on. Oh man, I lost $20 in the pool. Most of the games, the score was really unpredictable as weaker teams had the last win. It was really a day that I should not touch on soccer after losing soccer game and bets. For one day, I had spent around $150 bucks and I still had not paid my handphone bills. Guess that I should start saving money now.

Feeling Stress. I want my long "Vacation"

These few days were really very stressful for me, family and work matters. I really could not stand my neighbour anymore, always finding trouble. One more week to end my attachment, wondered whether it was too fast or slow? Should I extended my contribution in the company or just enjoyed my long vacation.
I was really quite proud of myself that I had stop clubbing, but I might go to clubbing again one day, maybe of some special reason. But I hoped that day would arrive slowly.
Nowday, I really had no much chance to talk in phone with Jassie. She was still busy with her exam, but she promised me that she would accompany me once her exam ended. Hope she would keep her promise.
Although I never talk in phone that late now, there was always something that kept mi to stay awake. I was really feeling tired and stressed.
Maybe it was time for me to did something different from my normal routine and spent my long vacation.